Myth: If both spouses are employed outside of the home, the courts won’t order spousal support.

Truth: It’s true that courts are more likely to order spousal support in cases where one spouse didn’t work outside of the home. But spousal support is also regularly awarded even when both spouses maintained economic independence. Some factors that a court is likely to consider include: how great the difference is between the income of the spouses; how long the relationship lasted; and the best way to make sure that both spouses become financially independent in the shortest period of time.

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Myth: Ex-spouses are highly antagonistic toward one another, even to the point of acting unethically.

Truth: Divorced couples, of course, vary widely in the civility of their interactions. But a great deal of divorced men and women describe their relationship with their ex-spouse as “friendly” or “co-operative.”

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The question of whether or not one can actually be friends, or at the very least friendly, with their ex-spouse weighs heavily on the minds of many who are newly divorced. Although relationship circumstances vary and it seems impossible, it really can be done if each person puts in a conscious effort. Remember the following tips:

• Keep things polite and as general as possible.

• If you’re the one who initiated the divorce, tread lightly where matters of friendship are concerned; there’s a chance that your ex-spouse won’t be ready to be friends.

• Refrain from placing blame or bringing up old issues.

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P.S. Make sure you add me to Facebook and Twitter for even more divorce tips!

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Berman/1344357387

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Tip: If there’s something you want to say to your ex-spouse, ex-mother-in-law, or ex-father-in-law but don’t want to explain yourself to the police after you do so, write them an uncensored letter that you can tear up and throw away when you’re done.

Ideas for relief? Share your stress busters!

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A Divorce Order is a final order made by a court in a divorce case. On taking effect, a divorce order legally ends a marriage but it cannot be made until you and your spouse have been living separate and apart for at least one year. Once a judge grants the Order, your divorce will take effect 31 days after the date of the Divorce Order.

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Spousal support is a payment made by one spouse to his or her former partner. The purposes for spousal support vary: it recognizes economic advantages or disadvantages resulting from the marriage or its breakdown, it relieves any economic hardship arising from the breakdown of the marriage, and it promotes the economic self-sufficiency of each spouse within a reasonable period of time. Unlike child support, there’s no automatic right to spousal support. Whether it’s paid, and if so, how much support will be paid, depends on the circumstances. Theoretically, a party who’s self-sufficient or is capable of becoming self-sufficient at the end of a relationship should normally not be entitled to receive spousal support. However, the court normally takes into consideration a variety of factors, including:

• Length of marriage: Typically, the longer the marriage, the greater the likelihood is that an application for spousal support will be successful.
• Relative difference in income: The greater the difference in income between the parties at the end of a marriage, the greater the likelihood that an order will follow, awarding spousal support.
• Economic disadvantages: The more one spouse has lost as a result of the marriage, such as job skills, job opportunities, or employability, the greater the likelihood of an order for spousal support.

Consequently, an economically disadvantaged spouse that is otherwise self-sufficient may nevertheless be awarded spousal support, particularly if the payor spouse has the ability to pay. Beware payors. All is not as it appears to be. You may have to pay spousal support  even to an apparently self-sufficient ex.

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Nothing spells family like inheriting them via your spouse (*ahem* sarcasm *ahem*). But what happens when in-laws become ex-laws? Whether you like them or not, your children need their grandparents. Where else are they going to learn that teeth soaking in a glass full of water are to be left alone? Or be given the chance to ingest a life time’s supply of candy in one visit? These reasons and many more are why it’s important to connect, and stay connected, with your ex-laws in order to help your child heal post-divorce. Don’t know how? Here are some tips:

• Break the ice: If you haven’t spoken to your ex-laws, call or send a note. Unsure of where they stand? Chances are they’ve been waiting to hear from you.
• Acknowledge the pain: Divorce hurts the entire family, so show empathy by saying something along the lines of “I know this has been tough on you too,” or “We’re all hurting.”
• Make it about the kids: Don’t get into detailed talk of the divorce. State clearly that your main concern is continuity for the children and that they need their grandparents.
• Be firm, but not rigid: It’s a good idea to have ground rules if your standards differ from theirs. At the same time, expect some over-indulgence because even after a divorce, grandparents still live to spoil their grandchildren.
• Imagine yourself in their shoes: Treat them the way you’d want to be treated. If you’re feeling short-tempered, trust that they will take it personally so try to cool down before saying something you don’t mean. And remember, they’re going out of their way to show your kids a good time so make sure you give them the thanks they deserve.

Have your own advice on dealing with the ex-laws? Share it!

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In early 2008, British playwright Tricia Walsh-Smith became known internationally after posting a shocking and uncomfortably personal YouTube video of herself discussing her divorce from her estranged husband Philip Smith, president of America’s oldest professional theatre company The Shubert Organization.

Airing the couple’s dirty laundry made headlines as this was considered the first known case where a spouse has used YouTube in an attempt to gain leverage over the other in a divorce case. Although those of you who are going through, or have been through, a divorce may sympathize with some of her erratic emotionas and understand the need to try anything when in such a situation, in the end the judge didn’t care about the video; nor would I recommend making your own (unless you’d enjoy an hour on the couch with Dr. Phil or have aspirations of becoming the next Spielberg). The message you can take from this, in addition to not making your own YouTube clip, is that you’re not alone.

Is the internet useful for taking revenge on your ex? Or is Walsh-Smith just “surfing” for fame?

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While representing yourself in court instead of hiring a high-priced lawyer like myself can definitely reduce the financial costs of obtaining a divorce, removing a lawyer from the picture doesn’t necessarily mean that your divorce will be without financial costs or beyond your obligations for support. If he or she wants to, your spouse can drag your divorce proceedings out for years.

The only way to minimize the cost of your divorce is by making every effort you can to resolve the issues arising from the breakdown of your marriage together, without a lawyer’s assistance.

If there are children involved then you and your spouse need to agree on all aspects of childcare and custody arrangements. This means that you have to decide not only who the kids will live with but also agree on a visitation schedule for the parent they don’t live with, as well as when the visits will take place and for what amount of time.

Furthermore, property needs to be divided fairly so that both parties are satisfied with the division. If you own a house, you must decide who will continue living in the house and ultimately who will keep the house. If you can’t come to an agreement on the house then you must determine whether you should sell it and divide the net proceeds of sale. The division of funds doesn’t have to be a 50-50 split just as long as you can agree on an equitable way of sharing it. You also have to agree on the division of all other property which can come down to small things such as who gets the big screen TV or the microwave. A useful way of deciding is to take an inventory of your home, creating a list, deciding who gets what, and doing so until you’re both happy with the division.

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Stress, anxiety, expense- these are only a few of the seemingly unavoidable consequences of getting divorced. Lawyers are partly to blame because, sadly, some of them don’t have your best interest at heart. Instead, their main concern is making money off of your marriage’s end. A Do-It-Yourself (”DIY”) Divorce may be your answer for minimizing the financial expense of getting a divorce, and hopefully some of the stress and anxiety as well.

A DIY Divorce is perfect for spouses who actually get along and are able to resolve some, if not all, of the issues arising from the breakdown of their marriage.

If you and your spouse can resolve basic issues, then you have the first tool you need for a DIY divorce. The second tool is MyOntarioDivorce.com’s online divorce document service which assists you in preparing the court forms you need, with a guarantee that they’ll be accepted by the court. So what are you waiting for? Sign up for a Premium Membership at MyOntarioDivorce.com today!

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