If you’re like most people you’ve probably managed to acquire a lot of “stuff” over the course of your marriage: rollerblades that were meant to start your new health revolution but remain untouched in their original packaging; a basketball that experienced a total of three bounces over its lifetime; platform shoes that you haven’t worn since they were popular in the 70s and briefly again in the 90s (thank you Spice Girls). The breakdown of your relationship has caused you to begin a new chapter in your life, so why not use this opportunity to start fresh by getting rid of all that clutter?

You and your ex should divide up the “good stuff” (put the platform shoes down!) and what you’ll be left with is potential garage sale material. If you’re selling your house as a result of your divorce, consider holding a garage sale before you put your house on the market. Even if one of you is staying in the house, holding a garage sale is a good way to unburden yourselves both physically and emotionally.

Helping you help yourself,

During your divorce, your child may be on an emotional roller coaster. As a parent, your goal should be to meet all of your child’s needs in order to minimize the price he or she has to pay for you and your ex-spouse being unable to sustain your relationship. Some of your child’s needs include:

• Assurance of safety: The key is to maintain a normal pace, boundaries, and routines. Your child needs to know that their world is predictable and that it’s not going to unsuspectingly change on them.

• Freedom from guilt or blame for the divorce: Children often shoulder the blame for the dissolution of a marriage. They believe that the times they misbehaved caused their parents breakup. It’s important to be aware of this and assure your child that they’re blameless.

• Need to let kids be kids: Children shouldn’t be given the job of healing your pain. They don’t need to be dealing with adult issues and shouldn’t know too much about what’s going on between you and your ex-spouse.

Helping you help yourself,

If you’re thinking about getting divorced and have accumulated more assets during your marriage than your spouse, now might be a good time to get divorced.

Let’s say you own a business that has grown nicely during the marriage. And, let’s say your spouse is employed outside of the business and doesn’t have an ownership interest in your business. When you decide to separate, the value of your business will be subject to equalization when you get divorced or negotiate an agreement. This means that its value on the date of separation will form part of your net worth (we call it net family property because it’s your net worth plus or minus certain legal exclusions and deductions- leave that stuff to the lawyers). Whoever has the greater net family property has to pay the other spouse 50% of the difference between their net family property and the other spouse’s net family property,  to EQUALIZE things financially.

The date that your business is valued becomes very important. Obviously, its value  will vary depending upon what a buyer will pay for it. And what a buyer will pay depends upon how the business is doing.

Usually, in a recession, business is down and that’s not good . . . unless you’re getting separated or divorced. A poor economy usually translates into a lower value for your company which means less value on your side of the ledger to equalize with your spouse. And, that’s a good thing for you. Not so good for your spouse unless he or she has a substantial asset on his or her side of the ledger that goes up and down with the economy, say like a stock portfolio or piece of real estate.

As you can now appreciate, timing is everything when it comes to Equalization.

Check out this article from The Toronto Star for more about Equalization and timing your divorce.

Helping you help yourself,

A new reality show that could get the go-ahead on the FOX broadcasting network plans to hunt down what they call “deadbeat” dads and demand that child support that’s allegedly owed to their ex-spouses be paid. FOX confirmed it has requested a pilot of the program, tentatively titled “Bad Dads,” by the network that has churned out such reality “gold” as “Cops” and “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?”

How does the show plan to get alleged child support delinquents to cough up the cash, you ask? By calling them on the phone and giving them the chance to do the right thing. If this option is met with considerable denial or argument then the show finds out what kind of assets the suspected father has and makes their life miserable until the child support is paid.

Is “Bad Dads” another FOX ratings grab or a criticism and potential wake-up call to the family justice system?

Helping you help yourself,

Don’t be surprised. Know your rights before the fight.

I’m always looking for ways to improve MyOntarioDivorce.com that will benefit our customers. To that end, Magda (my Project Manager and fellow Internet Adventurer) recently attended the Glazer-Kennedy Info-Summit in Atlanta where former Heavy-Weight Champion, George Foreman, was the keynote speaker. Magda took the Champ on and as you can see in the photo, totally surprised him with her left hook.

Don’t be taken by surprise (like George was). Learn everything you can about your rights and obligations before you sit down to talk with your spouse about your separation. You need to know about support for you and the children. You need to know about the ins-and-outs of creating your own Separation Agreement and what should be in it. You need to assess your financial situation- what are your assets and debts? who gets what? who pays for what?

All of this may seem overwhelming coming as it does when you are at your worst emotionally. And I know you don’t relish the thought of paying a lawyer for months to sort all of this out for you. Look, it’s not that complicated despite what most lawyers will tell you. And, it doesn’t need to be expensive. What you owe to yourself to do is to head over to www.MyOntarioDivorce.com and go to our Get Started page. Choose one of our all-inclusive, done-for-you Divorce Advantage System Packages and then go to our Resource Centre. Download a copy of our highly-informative book, Separating From Your Spouse 101, and presto, the secret to separating from your spouse without paying everything you have to a lawyer will be revealed.

Don’t be surprised like George. Be prepared. Know your rights and obligations in advance of the fight. Put MyOntarioDivorce.com in your corner.

Helping you help yourself,

We’ve all received an assortment of invitations in the mail at one time or another. The purpose of the parties often span from a bachelor/bachelorette to a wedding reception, but has anyone ever been invited to a divorce party?

After reading the article, do you think divorce parties are a positive way of moving on after divorce or have they added to the de-valuation of marital vows?

Helping you help yourself,

When you begin your divorce process you may find that your self-esteem is lacking. It’s generally better to learn how to rebuild it during divorce proceedings so that you can move on successfully after the divorce is final. Moving on successfully means accepting that you’re no longer married and being okay with this fact. Of course, every person and situation is different so it may take some longer than other to heal from the devastation that we often feel after a relationship has ended. However, focusing on positive things and appreciating what you do have will melt away any negative thoughts you may find yourself dwelling on.

The first step in rebuilding your self-esteem after divorce is to let go and in order to think positively you need to focus on encouraging yourself. You should use self-esteem building activities such as talking to yourself in a mirror. Tell your reflection how you feel about yourself in a way that is positive and encouraging. I’m sure that as you read this you’re probably rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “Thinking positively is baloney” (and in much less family-friendly terminology), but what have you got to lose? Give it a shot and see where it takes you.

If our self-esteem is broken, what other tools can we use to rebuild it?

Helping you help yourself,