Suspicious credit card charges, unusual late-night work commitments, and lipstick on shirt collars; they’re all classic telltale signs of an extramarital affair. But in this day and age, cheating has taken on a broader meaning. Modern technology has made it possible for people to connect with each other 24 hours a day via email, Facebook, Twitter, and text message. The internet is a virtual playground for adulterers. Even those who aren’t seeking to become involved in a romantic relationship may find themselves pulled into an inappropriate relationship with someone they met online. The recent scandal involving Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o and his “fake girlfriend” is a timely example of how an internet relationship can become very real and very destructive, even when the two parties involved have never met.

Considering how much our modern world revolves around virtual communication, it’s hard to imagine a time when the internet didn’t exist. But when Canada’s divorce legislation was drafted, internet cheating wasn’t even a remote consideration. Today, you’d be hard-pressed to find an affair that didn’t involve some technological aspect, whether it be texting, emails, or video chatting. This begs the question: What exactly is included in the definition of “Adultery?”

Broadly, “Adultery” is defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Reflecting the evolution of our society, the definition has changed to include affairs in same-sex marriages, as well as same-sex affairs in heterosexual marriages.

Although emotional affairs can be just as destructive as physical affairs, the law does not (yet) recognize emotional or cyber cheating as sufficient cause to grant a divorce on the grounds of adultery. You can read more about getting divorced on the grounds of adultery here.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

If you’ve found your way to our website, chances are that you’re already dealing with marital difficulties and contemplating separation or divorce. Particularly after the holidays, many couples find that their marital conflicts have reached a boiling point and they feel that there is no option other than divorce.

Did you know that lawyers are required to ask their clients if there is any chance of reconciliation before proceeding with a Divorce Application? With that in mind, we always encourage our clients to take every possible action to repair the damage to their marriage. The new year is a great time to resolve to make positive changes and improvements to your relationship with your spouse.  Whether you work through your issues as a couple or with the help of a therapist, 2013 is a great time to make your marriage a priority. Here are some tips from Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media, 2008):

1. Be open and honest. Tell your spouse about your frustrations so that you can face the problem head-on. No topic should be off-limits.

2. Work as a team to solve the problem. Don’t get sucked into the blame game.

3. Stay connected. Make time to restore intimacy in your relationship.

4. Lighten up. Have a sense of humour, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, and don’t take yourself too seriously. Tessina’s recommendation: “Store up plenty of good times in your relationship reservoir to draw on in the hard times.”

5. Create goodwill. Try to focus on what makes you feel good about your partner. Try to let go of criticisms.

Remember, when you take care of your own needs, you can be a be a better partner, parent, employee, and friend. Make yourself and your marriage a priority in 2013.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

Did you know that January is one of the busiest times of year for divorce lawyers?

The reasons are numerous. Even for the happiest of families, the holiday season can be stressful. Hosting friends and family, financial pressures stemming from gift shopping, decorating the house and preparing extravagant meals; we all put tremendous pressure on ourselves to execute the perfect holiday celebration. However, in the process of taking on these tasks, we often put unattainable expectations on ourselves and others, resulting in aggravation, resentment, or even full-out war.

For many, the holidays are a time of personal reflection. Visiting with family and friends often means catching up on the events of the past year, which can stir up feelings that may have been suppressed by the minutia of daily life throughout the year. In reviewing the events of the past year (or the past few years), you may realize that your hopes for your marriage were not realized, and this may trigger a need for change.

The post-holiday lull is a time when the reality of an unhappy marriage can really set in. Whether you had a blowout fight with your spouse over the holidays or simply reached your breaking point after months or years of arguing, there is something about the end of the year that can really put things into perspective. The celebration of the New Year is widely seen as a fresh start, and for some that means making the changes that, up until now, they have not found the motivation to do.

Enter divorce lawyers: January is one of the busiest times for us, as the calls come in from those who are determined to change their lives. As always, we encourage you to try everything possible to save your marriage before resorting to divorce. Give yourself some time to recover from the holiday season and try to let go of the unimportant things that make the holidays stressful before making any big decisions about your future.

Wishing you a happy and healthy 2013!

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

Happy New Year from MyOntarioDivorce.com! We hope you and your family enjoyed a happy and healthy holiday.

Holidays are traditionally a time of celebration and reflection, spent with family and friends. However, if you are in the midst of a separation or divorce, holidays can be a source of extreme stress, especially for parents.

Many separated parents make an effort to put their differences aside over the holidays in the interest of making the season as enjoyable as possible for their children. For example, you may choose to celebrate Christmas morning with your children and ex-spouse. While we always encourage our clients put the interests of their children first and foremost, this can be a tricky situation, as it may dredge up emotional issues for both parents. The process of going through the motions of being a “happy family” often serves as a memory of what was and what was lost. Depending on the circumstances of your separation, you may find that unhealed emotional wounds or feelings of resentment make this charade too much to bear, even for the most dedicated of parents.

A common arrangement is for children to celebrate two holidays: one with mom and one with dad. This can be confusing, upsetting, and frustrating for children, especially during the first holiday after the separation. For parents, the task of splitting up time spent with children during holidays can be a source of tension and resentment.

What can you do to make the holiday season (as well as other holidays and birthdays) manageable?

1. Don’t take on more than you can handle. For example, if the thought of spending Christmas morning with your ex makes you uncomfortable, don’t do it. Your children will sense it.

2. Talk to your children about your plans. Explain why the holiday will be different this year.

3. Try to remain flexible. Holidays are a busy time for everyone and unnecessary arguments with your ex-spouse will only make things worse.

4. Keep busy. Reach out to friends and family for support, especially if you’ll be spending the holidays alone.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

“My spouse doesn’t want to get divorced. Does that mean the judge will refuse to grant me a Divorce Order?”

In Canada, the majority of divorces are granted on a no-fault basis, on the grounds that the parties have been living separate and apart for a minimum of 1 year. In very rare cases, a judge may refuse to grant a divorce if it becomes clear that one or both of the spouses have deceived the court in some way. The following are acceptable reasons for a judge to refuse to grant a divorce:

Collusion: When you work with your spouse to lie to the court, either in an affidavit or through your testimony. For example, if a couple agrees that they will lie about the date of separation to speed up the divorce.

Connivance: When one spouse encourages the other spouse to commit adultery or tricks the other spouse into committing adultery to speed up the divorce.

Condonation: When you have forgiven your spouse for his or her adultery or cruelty. If you have forgiven your spouse, you cannot later use your spouse’s adultery or cruelty to claim a divorce.

Insufficient Child Support: Before granting a divorce, the judge must be satisfied that appropriate arrangements have been made for the financial support of the children.

(If you haven’t already done so, be sure to read our post on child support and why you should ALWAYS pay it!)

Instances of a judge refusing to grant a divorce are few and far between. Generally, as long as you and your spouse have satisfied the 1 year separation requirement, there is little that can stop your divorce from being granted.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

Facebook is the Divoce Lawyer’s new best friend.

We already know that Facebook indiscretions have been cited as being responsible for approximately 1/3 of relationship breakdowns, and that percentage is rising.

But Facebook isn’t just an outlet for adulterers. It also offers up a plethora of evidence for divorce lawyers who are handling child custody and parental alienation claims. Here are some real examples of the kinds of Facebook-related situations lawyers are seeing more and more frequently:

• Mother forces children to “un-friend” father on Facebook. (See our article on Parental Alienation)
• Husband denies anger management issues but posts on Facebook in his “write something about yourself” section: “If you get in my face, I’ll
  beat you into submission.”
• Father seeks custody of the kids, claiming that his ex-wife never attends the events with their children. Subpoenaed evidence shows that Mom was playing Facebook’s Farmville while she was supposed to be out with the kids.
• Mom denies in court that she does drugs but posts photos of herself on Facebook that indicate otherwise.

Judges have shown that they are more than willing to admit Facebook evidence. It’s up to you to protect your own best interests. Be smart and proactive about your Facebook usage, and keep in mind the following:

1. Protect your Privacy. Learn about the ever-changing Facebook privacy settings and make sure you are protecting yourself.

2. A picture is worth a thousand words. Think twice before posting ANY photos of yourself on your Facebook Page.

3. Beware of “Friends.” Be careful what kind of personal information you offer up, both to people you know well and casual acquaintances.

4. Don’t lie. Especially not to the judge. If you are caught red-handed, lying about it will only make it worse.

For more information on divorce and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

You can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter by clicking the images below to keep track of our blog posts and get tips on family law issues:

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Law Lawyer

One of the most common questions I’m asked by clients is how long it will take for their divorce to be finalized. Typically, the answer depends on your circumstances when you decide to file for divorce.

Under the Divorce Act, the only ground for divorce is marriage breakdown, which can be established in any of the following three ways:

1. The spouses have lived separate and apart for one year;

This is the most common ground, in large part because it is easiest to establish. While one year may seem like a very long time to wait to make it official, the fact is that the court system is so overloaded that it may take that long to get your matter into court anyway. Provided that you are living separate and apart at the time of your application, you can file for divorce and keep the clock ticking while you wait for your court date. Provided that there’s no chance of reconciliation (which is always preferable), you may be able eliminate some of the waiting time by getting your application in before the year has elapsed.

2. The spouse against whom the divorce is claimed has committed adultery; or

3. The respondent spouse has treated the other with physical or mental cruelty such that continued cohabitation would be intolerable.

If you are able to establish Adultery or Cruelty as the reason for the breakdown of your marriage, your divorce will not be subject to the one year separate and apart requirement, and a divorce can be granted as soon as the matter can be heard before a court.

Where Adultery or Cruelty exists, there often also exists anger, resentment, and sometimes even fear. Some may welcome the idea of exposing their spouse’s bad behaviour in court. For many, however, the idea of presenting evidence to prove one of these fault-based grounds is too stressful to fathom. For that reason, it is only in extreme cases that we recommend filing for divorce on one of these grounds. Provided that your safety is not at risk, it is advisable (from both a financial and emotional standpoint) to file after a one year separation.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

The Vancouver Sun recently conducted what they refer to as a “highly unscientific” study on the marital problems that lead to divorce. Participants in the study included academics, counsellors, and divorced men and women. The result is a list of the Top 10 marriage killers. Surprisingly, infidelity and financial differences did not rank in the top 10. Here are the issues that made the cut:

1. Interference by extended family members. Loyalty must first be to the other person in the couple, and not to the extended family.
2. Societal Pressure. A common example of this is couples who marry due to pressure from family, peers, or culture.
3. Failure to grow. When individuals fail to grow within the relationship, they may become bored of each other and lose intimacy.
4. Lack of connection. This includes failure to maintain similar interests, or forcing your spouse to adopt your interests.
5. Child-Centric relationships. Putting 100% focus on your children to the detriment of your relationship as a couple can cause you to lose intimacy with your spouse. See also: “baby as a bandaid.”
6. Wandering eyes. This doesn’t refer to outright cheating, but rather focusing on your partner’s flaws and fantasizing about others who would be better partners.
7. Avoiding conflict. Pretending that there are no problems in your relationship can lead to serious disconnect.
8. The need to be right. In times of tension, it is crucial to explore why your partner may be fixated on a seemingly inconsequential issue.
9. Lack of Honesty. This includes being dishonest about your past.
10. Location, Location, Location. The physical space that a couple lives in – this can mean the city or even the apartment/house- can seriously affect the success of a relationship. Having the physical space and opportunity to explore individual interests is crucial.

Bottom line? The key to a good lifelong relationship is to develop a genuine interest in one’s partner and communicate openly and honestly.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

Celebrities: they’re just like us! They, too, face the same issues we civilians do when getting divorced: children, property, and money, money, money. The only difference is, they often air their dirty laundry in front of millions of people. Here are 4 examples of divorcing celebrities behaving badly.

Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards:  First, a series of voicemails and emails from Sheen to Richards were released, wherein he called her a “sad, jobless pig” and a “terrible mom,” and suggested she go cry to her “bald mom,” who was undergoing chemotherapy at the time. Richards fired back, outing Sheen as an abusive, gambling, porn addict. To their credit, they seem to have ultimately chosen civility for the sake of their two daughters.

Paul McCartney & Heather Mills: When the beloved former Beatle filed for divorce from his second wife, tabloids launched into an attack on Mills, accusing her of everything from prostitution to gold-digging. Mills fired back, accusing McCartney of emotional and physical abuse. Even Paul’s daughter got in on the mud-slinging action.

Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger: While their divorce initially began fairly amicably, a custody battle over their daughter quickly turned things ugly. Baldwin accused Basinger of turning their daughter against him, but quickly lost any public sympathy when he called his daughter a “rude little pig” and threatened to “straighten her out” in a series of leaked voicemails. Baldwin later apologized, but blamed Basinger for the incident, citing parental alienation.

Liza Minelli & David Guest: After 14 months of marriage, Minelli and Guest began a bitter and very public divorce. Guest accused Minelli of alcohol fueled physical abuse and hiding a case of herpes, and Minelli accused Guest of drugging her and trying to pilfer her fortune.

The above couples could collectively write the book on what NOT to do when getting divorced. Learn from their mistakes and try to keep your interactions with your ex-spouse as clean as possible. Check out our series on communicating with your ex for more tips.

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer

As a seasoned Family Lawyer, I always encourage warring spouses to do everything they can to save their marriage. In most cases, divorce should be a last resort, as it is financially and emotionally devastating to everyone involved.

Be reasonable. Be courteous. Don’t be petty. Do your best to negotiate a reasonable Separation Agreement with your spouse, even if it seems like your spouse is the most unreasonable person on the planet. Want some perspective? Here are some unbelievable TRUE stories of divorce from around the world:

India: A woman divorced her husband after two months of marriage on the grounds that she “couldn’t trust him.” The reason? He failed to update his Facebook relationship status to “married.”

Italy: A woman filed for divorce three weeks after her wedding when her husband brought his mother on their honeymoon. Talk about a mama’s boy!

Italy: A 99 year-old man filed for divorce when he discovered that his 96 year-old wife had engaged in an extramarital affair 60 years earlier. They became the oldest couple ever to divorce.

Germany: A neat-freak husband finally pushed his wife to file for divorce when he tore down a wall in their home because it was “dirty.”

Israel: A man divorced his wife after she adopted 550 (Yes, that’s five hundred and fifty!) pet cats.

Cambodia: After 18 years of marriage, a husband who wanted to split the marital assets exactly 50-50 sawed his house in half. His ex-wife still lives on her side.

A couple divorced after ten years when the husband discovered that the wife had lied about her age when they married. She said she was 24 but was really 30.

A woman was granted a divorce from her husband when her pet bird started saying things like, “divorce” and “be patient.”

For more information on separation, divorce, and other family law matters, please visit MyOntarioDivorce.com.

Sincerely,

Robert Berman B.C.L, LL.B
Founder & Family Lawyer