Even if you were anticipating being served with divorce papers and think you know what they say, you must examine them thoroughly and immediately. The Application will detail the reasons your spouse is asking for a divorce and also additional topics including child custody, child support, property division, spousal support, and sometimes, legal protections such as a restraining order.

It’s critical that you read and understand the contents of the papers you receive. The decisions you make at the onset of the divorce process may have far-reaching effects; you don’t want to make a wrong move or make a move that’s too late.

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Myth: If both spouses are employed outside of the home, the courts won’t order spousal support.

Truth: It’s true that courts are more likely to order spousal support in cases where one spouse didn’t work outside of the home. But spousal support is also regularly awarded even when both spouses maintained economic independence. Some factors that a court is likely to consider include: how great the difference is between the income of the spouses; how long the relationship lasted; and the best way to make sure that both spouses become financially independent in the shortest period of time.

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If your spouse begins a divorce proceeding, your spouse is called the “Applicant” and you’re the “Respondent.” (If you begin the proceeding, your would be the Applicant). The Applicant “serves” the Respondent (hands you) two documents: an Application and, if there are financial issues, a Financial Statement.

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Myth: Ex-spouses are highly antagonistic toward one another, even to the point of acting unethically.

Truth: Divorced couples, of course, vary widely in the civility of their interactions. But a great deal of divorced men and women describe their relationship with their ex-spouse as “friendly” or “co-operative.”

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The issues that need to be sorted after divorces aren’t limited to which spouse gets custody of the kids, who has to move out, or who keeps the plasma screen TV. When a couple unties the knot, who gets custody of the friends?

A swift way of dividing friendships is to use the idea that, like furniture and other possessions, you take out what you brought in. In spite of this, difficulty arisies when you take into consideration the friends you and your partner made as a couple. A divorced couple may suddenly find themselves abandoned by marries couples with whom they shared dinners, movie nights, or play dates between their kids. These friends possibly avoid socializing with either partner in a divorce because they don’t want to be perceived as taking sides. Which begs the question: When you’re divorcing, how do you sort out who gets which friend?

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Many separated or divorced people seem to be deferring their happiness until they achieve certain goals. We tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when my divorce is finalized,” “I’ll be happy when I get custody of the kids,” “I’ll be happy when I finally meet that one person in the world who’s right for me.”

Dr. Barbara De Angelis, a relationship therapist, calls this behaviour the “I’ll be happy when…” Syndrome; we sabotage our happiness by postpoing it until some outside event or occurance changes our lives forever. The truth, however, is that happiness is not an acquisition, it’s a skill. It’s not about what we get or experience, it’s about the way we live our lives every day. We can get things we thought would make us happy, such as a house, a spouse, the kids, but we’re not going to be any happier because happiness isn’t dependent on the outside.

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Source: Divorce Magazine

There’s no question that divorce can be painful and that it’s difficult not only to trust but also to love again. However, there are ways to get past the pain. Here’s some advice that you may find useful while trying to heal your heartbreak:

• In time, it’s important to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life. Otherwise, you’re giving away your power to the people who hurt you.

• Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex.

• Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing.

• Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know that there’s a risk. Don’t let a bad experience keep you from living your life.

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“Compromise.” There’s a word that’ll make some soon-to-be exes screech in horror. A number of people take compromise to mean that they’ll have to give something up, not realizing that they’ll also get things if it’s done willingly and acted out fairly.

You shouldn’t expect to get everything you ask for when going through a separation or divorce. Of course, you can re-introduce your teenage angst to the world and refuse to compromise on anything, but this approach tends to backfire and only makes the process of divorce that much more strenuous; all in exchange for a few items you could’ve lived without.

Disagree? Why do you think compromise shouldn’t be given a chance?

Last week the Ontario government announced changes to the divorce process “to make it faster, less expensive, and less combative,” according to the Canadian Press. I’m always skeptical when the government tries to “improve” anything.

They’re promising more access to legal advice and options such as mediation, arbitration, and collaborative law. They’re also promising to free up court time for cases that must be argued, and less paperwork and fewer steps so that people can get to a judge and a decision sooner. And, all of this will be achieved without any new funds. They’re going to take money from the legal aid system to pay for it. They call that “re-distribution of current resources.”

This is all very laudable and overdue. However, forgive me for being just a tiny bit skeptical. In my 30 years of practive, every time the government has intervened to “simplify” the Family Court system, it has resulted in additional administrative process and expense for the consumer. Let’s hope that what the government delivers is truly cheaper and faster access to justice and not yet another layer of process and cost at the expense of an already woefully under-funded Legal Aid service.

In the meantime, if what you really want is a faster and cheaper divorce, check out our Divorce Advantage System at MyOntarioDivorce.com. It already does everything the government is only promising.

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Before separating from your spouse there’s a seemingly unending abundance of questions that you need to ask yourself. To start, you should consider the following: How will you share the money in your joint bank account(s)? How will you split the big tickets items such as your home, car, or washing machine? If you have children, will one or both of you be contributing to a college fund? If you have any current debts, how will you handle them? If you have joint credit cards, will you cancel them?

The task seems daunting but if you can get through some tough questions as civil adults then it’ll work out to your betterment, emotionally and financially (as you won’t need a pesky lawyer to work it out for you).

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